From A Wanderluster To The Other Lost Souls

Sin city, aka Las Vegas. This interesting destination ended up being my thanksgiving break. Why would you want to have stuffed turkey in a house filled of people you barely know if you can go to the city were the modern sin was born? Besides, technically it was supposed to be a trip with Monica and other friends of hers, although the whole 'let's just speak Chinese' drove me crazy and by the second day I was wandering around all by myself like in New York, which I love!  Basically, Las Vegas is pretty much how you expect it to be: casinos all over, drinks all over, strippers all over. What they don't really tell you is that 40% the people you'll see there is Mexican, 40% Asian and the rest is... well... whatever country is left. Is not a secret that the business in Las Vegas are the casinos, reason why the hotels are fairly cheap and the drinks are technically for free if you're betting. However, finding cheap places to eat is harder than finding someone who ...

- E nco ntrar a alguie n que me haga se ntir esas mariposas e n el estómago. - E namorar a alguie n. - Come nzar a pla near mi siguie nte ave ntura. - Seguir ejercita ndo. - Actuar de acorde a las leccio nes apre ndidas dura nte los últimos dos años e n lo que respecta a "amigos". - Decirle u nas cua ntas verdades a quie nes se lo merece n. - Hallar u n empleo que me permita practicar lo apre ndido el 2011. - Llamar de vez e n cua ndo a las maravillas perso nas co nocidas este maravilloso año. - Ser capaz de ser ho nesto co n quie nes siempre he sido poco claro; mi familia. - Mejorar mi GPA. - Decirle a ciertas compañeras "fuck off" o "k nock it off" e n clases, out loud. - Pasar u n i nvier no calie nte.

I look around and I realize I just couldn't have asked for a year  b etter year. I met these amazing people, I went to these amazing places and I survived. If you look through the pictures I've uploaded during the last 12 months, you'll notice how honest my smile looks. I literally saw how one of my  b igger dreams came true. There's people that deserve an honorary mention; Monica, who always knew what to say, Katie, who was always there, Omar, who made see things in a different perspective, and for the second year in a row, Frida, who didn't let me know.  I wonder if I would've done somethivg different and, honestly, I couldn't have. Even in those moments when all I wanted was a special person to cuddle with, I know it wouldn't have Meen fair for either of those people.  b esides, damn, I've sinned like I never had; on a piano, drunk, in a fancy hotel at the Times Square, interrupted  b y my roommate, in the  b each, in an attic, and... well, ...

At midnight wears out cinderella's spell and at the bar's close mine does as well, running away, she left behind her shoe, I better stay, where's my prince I've got no clue. A poisoned apple took to bring Snow White down,  it's been 10 shots and who's keeping count? There won't be a kiss from that prince so charming, just crazy monsters with huge signs of warning. Am I even wearing a red riding hood? 'Cause I feel being chased by a dangerous wolf, nowhere to hide, ho granny's house to run to, you all eat my heart, won't you? no fairy godmothers, friendly animals not genies in the lamp, only cellphones, stronger drinks and credit cards; I better get in the taxi and go to sleep, 'cause I'll pass out if I have one more sip.

In life you're supposed to learn tons of lessons, and this year is definitly one of those years that it's all about learning. I've learnt how to survive in a country where I knew no one, where they spoke a language I spoke at most a couple of hours in a classroom, where the whole culture is different; I learnt how to start over and I loved it. Leaving all behind gave new perspectives of who I am and who I want to be. However, one of the most interesting lessons was the one I learnt at the camp I worked for almost 6 weeks. Obviously, I had to learn first aids, how to react if one of the kids went missing, how to react in the case of a bear showed up, blah blah blah. However, no one taught us how to deal with teenagers! The kids were from 5th graders to 8th graders, and let me put it this way; the older the get, the worse they are. They were cocky, disrespectful, they'd swear in spanish or english according to who counselor they were with, they wouldn't brush t...

Es casi mediados de año, el mejor año de mi vida, y siento que vale la pena hacer un pequeño resumen de lo que ha sido mi vida. Hace 5 meses viajé desde el país que pensé que sería mi eterna prisión a la tierra de las oportunidades donde todo puede ocurrir. Una tierra relacionada con las expectativas que uno se hace desde la adolescencia, quizás debido a las películas, quizás debido a lo difícil que llegar hasta acá, quizás porque el mundo nos dice que es lo correcto. Hace 5 meses cambié el verano al que siempre estuve acostumbrado por un invierno lleno de nieve, tormentas y sorpresas. Por primera vez en mi vida viví fuera de casa, sin ataduras, sin otra regla más que levantarse media hora antes de la clase, tuve la liberad de comer en una cafetería, que si bien no ofrecía comida como la de casa, ofrecía "novedad".  En cierto punto se siente raro haber dejado toda una vida atrás para crear una nueva, una vida sin raíces. No me refiero a que haya perdido mi identidad ni nada, ...

Anoche le besé en mi embriaguez, tal vez no lo recuerde, tal vez, en mi terraza aquél beso ocurrió, y olímpicamente lo obvió. Dijo que tenía una cita potencial, y se sintió como una lluvia torrencial, me pregunté en qué momento perdí mi oportunidad, de hallar a aquella persona y un raro tipo de felicidad. De su risa me enamoré y nadie me ha de culpar, este es un mundo de aventuras y todo puede pasar, su sonrisa está prohibida, es mi perdición, para él siempre habrá una dedicable canción. Mejor te dejo ir, el show ha de continuar, seguiremos siendo amigos y nada ha de importar, te deseo un feliz y dulce romance, estaré aquí sin importar lo que pase.

We humans spend about 10 or 20 years looking for love. Love, that crazy fever that can rock the world and make you act stupidly. However, how much do we really need love? We are born in a family that not always we like, we're supposed to love them. We become teenagers and we're supposed to look for a "mate" to love. And then we're supposed to grow up and have a new family and love them. But... what if I don't want to? I mean, what if we don't need to?  Or at least, do we need to love every single moment of our lives? I've been wondering the same question ever since I realized that I'm happy. Maybe loving someone is not what you need to be happy. Turning dreams true makes you happy. Traveling makes you happy. Having sex makes you happy. Some people might say that that kind of happiness is vain because it will fade away eventually, but what if you just don't tell it fade away?  Everyone say love is like a drug. Don't they all teach us in high...

Well, it's June 4th and pretty much everyone is gone and I really need to do some head up in my blog. Olly, my dear and hot friend from England is still around with his crazy quilt-wearing friend from Scotland named Ally. It's kinda hard to explain how do I feel about the fact that everyone is gone. A part of me is aware that they're gone and honestly I don't know if I ever gonna see them again, but the other part of me think that next Friday we're all gonna be together at the Joynt as usual. The funny thing is that the more people leaves, the more new people I meet. The whole Ben-Eric-Ross thing kept my head kinda busy lately, I gave myself the chance to like someone here, but who knows what can happen.  I think I've learned something about myself, I lost the ability of deadly missing. I mean, I can miss, but just not deadly. I think I miss from my head, not my heart. What does it mean? I don't know and I have no intention of figuring it out. At the moment ...

Escucho aves cantar, y el viento correr, el tiempo se ha ido y no sé qué hacer,  amigos de fiestas, amigos del alma, todos se fueron, ya no se escucha nada. No sé qué sentir, no sé cómo extrañar, las memorias se acumulan para mi corazón arañar, veo fotografías, me siento extraño, fueron pocos meses, se sienten como un año. Viajé cientos de millas buscando hallar el amor, completé una fantasía que me alejó del dolor, chicos y chicas de a lo largo del mundo amé, unidos en una fogata es como los recordaré. Dicen que la gente va y viene, dicen que el tiempo no se detiene, pero no importa, los ojos cerraré, y en mi mente siempre los tendré. 

He wakes me up with a smile upon his face, every minute he's gone is such a waste, he makes my world shake, makes me stare, every second of my life is like a fairy tale. He is childish, joyful, kind, clumsy and strong, the kinda person that would never say i'm wrong, he is always waiting, someone I know won't leave, he is the only guy in this universe I can see. He turns me on, he cheers me up, he's the only sleeping in my lap, listening his heart beating is enough, 'cause he's the one I'll always love.

"What am I?" People from all the places had once wondered that question over and over again. Gay people do it more often. I can tell, I'm one of them. It's been a while since I think I figured out what I am and people ask me a llot of question usually aiming to the same main question: "What is it like to be gay?". There's just one answer I can give you all: it's complicated. Ever since you're a little kid the world is telling you over and over again that you have to go to college, find the perfect woman, marry her and have kids with her. But, what happens if you wake up a day and you realize you were dreaming about boys and that you cannot see the girls in a different way but as a sister? Here is where all begins. Somehow you feel like you're not doing what you're supposed to do, you feel like there's something different about you, you feel like you should fix it. And then you turn 16 or 17, all your classmates in high school have a g...

I run into you and I get stuck in your smile, I don't know what to say, so to myself I lie, I blush, I stutter, I'm totally scared, that my heart takes over to ask you out I dare. I want to kiss those lips that look soft, kissing you forever is all I think of, I feel again as if I was seventeen, a time when movie stories were all I'd seen. Kiss me, hold me, take my breath away, maybe ask me tonight to stay, and I know what I'm about to say is insane, but I think I like you, and I'd love to have a date.

      El tiempo ha pasado y cumplí 3 meses en Estados Unidos. Creo que simplemente no puedo dejar de estar enamorado de este país y, a pesar de su pequeñez, de esta ciudad también. Mi querida Eau Claire. Debo asumir que una de las cosas que más me gusta son los distintos programas que tiene la universidad para apoyar a la gente homosexual (y transgéneros) y cómo los motiva a salir del clóset con su programa de "safe place". Alguien en algún momento me preguntó antes de venir si acaso me daba miedo el tema de la discriminación (soy gay Y latino), pero la verdad es que jamás me había sentido más aceptado. Cierto, algunas cosas como la comida de mi madre y la caótica vida santiaguina se extrañan, pero es casi nada en comparación con lo mucho que quiero a este país. Puede ser un interesante factor el hecho que el vivir "on-campus" es prácticamente una burbuja que incluye que bares que están a la vuelta de la esquina y un río que le da un toque pintoresco al paisaje que ...

Make me wonder, make me scream, make my heart once again dream. Should I write an essay of your smile? Should I just breath your smell for a while? I just don't care if tomorrow the world ends 'Cause it's the first time it all makes sense. I know it's hard, I know it's not the day, I'm away and here I might stay, You're just broke up, it hurts still, but I have waited and I will. As here it snows, there is raining, as you breath in, I'm still sleeping, as soon as I wake up I turn my laptop on, but in the inside I know you're already gone. I just ask you for one thing, if I say something stupid, just shut me with a kiss.

Lately I've been thinking about everything that had been going on in my life. I'm exactly where I wanted to be, overseas, I have a lot more resposabilities than most of the people, as usual, but for the first time I don't give a shit about the people that had let me down back home. Here I've met amazing people like YanYing, probably the only asian girl I really like and can get to consider as my friend; Kelsey, a girl that reflect the part of me that acts like a 21 years old boy; Omar, the mexican gay guy who I can really relate -although he made out with one of many guys that turns me on- and Paulina, the chilean girl who reflects the-adict-to-sex-and-double-sense-senteces me. The funny thing about coming here is that I not only learn about the U.S. or other random countries, but I also keep learning about the people ack home. Out of all those "lovely" friends once I had back home, how many keep sending me messages or posting me on facebook? Well, out of all ...

People usually want to get to know places and they wonder how would it be like to be in that place. Many people wonder about how is it like to be in New York. So, what is it like New York? Well, from a 21 years old gay guy perspective I can say: it's the closest thing to heaven I've ever been. Pretty much all the cliches about New York are true, all you get to see in New York is true and all you wanna do in New York can be done. When you're in New York you get to see a brand new world called fantasy becoming reality. Streets with high hills girls, suit and nice haircuts gays, tourists every where holding a map in one hand and a camera in the other, skyscrapers defying gravity. In New York anyone can dedicate you a smile because they realize you're not from around or ask you how to get to some place just because to look more confident than them. You may actually know all these things, but what do you really do when you get here? You've got two options; either you fol...

                Usualmente dicen que una imagen vale más que mil palabras, pero en este caso prefiero usar mis palabras para describir lo que he visto en lo que parece ser un slow motion . Llevo más de un mes viviendo en Estados Unidos, o. como a veces siento, en un reality show. Me gustaría decir que la televisión miente y que los estadounidenses no son para nada clichés retratados en las películas, pero la verdad es que en muchos sentidos lo son. Partamos por la vida " on campus ". Sí, la vida con un roommate y en un dorm es prácticamente como la pintan, y con muchos más detalles como Resident Halls y unas que otras reglas que son sorprendentemente seguidas casi al pié de la letra. He aquí una de las cosas que más me sorprendieron de los gringos , siguen las leyes más de lo esperado, al menos en Eau Claire, Wisconsin. En fin, volvamos a los clichés. Sí, la comida de la cafetería de prácticamente una mierda, con excepciones en los pollos y...

Things seem like they're finally fitting, I might be feeling like screaming, but screaming because I feel just cool, like a dead man with a free soul. I knew there was no going back, nowday there's no more feeling stuck, it's been over a month, since I left what I used to call home. We all know that when it comes to love and sex, people just go insane, I know that when it comes to say the true it may hurts. I loved so many men, I took care of so many friends, but here I am with no strings attaches here I am ready to start.

La gente cuando crece dice muchas cosas. Te dice que debes madurar, te dice que comprar y qué no, puede que te digan qué estudiar o en qué invertir tu dinero.  Sin embargo, las personas no te dicen que de un día para otro deberás tomar decisiones que pueden cambiar tu vida en un par de minutos. No te dicen que en realidad no es bueno apegarse a las personas. No te dicen que el riesgo de sentir es que puedes sentir ora cosas buenas ora cosas malas. Nunca escuchas a alguien decirte que tus padres te van a decepcionar mil y un veces, ni que familia es un concepto tan vago que solo lo entiendes cuando te sientes solo.  Tu madre no te dice que al ser el hijo mayor eres el experimento, y que lo más probable es que se equivoque una y otra vez. Tu padre no te dice lamenta sus errores. Tu hermana no te dice que te va a extrañar cuando te vayas. Tu hermano no te dice que te admira. Tus abuelos no te dicen que el secreto de la felicidad es aprender a convivir con el dolor. Nadie te dice ...