Silenced

Lately I've decided to keep my mouth shut. If I've learned anything during the last 23 years is that when you don't have something nice to say, it's better to shut it. To be fear is not that I'm mad at someone or I want to curse at the wind every five minutes, I simply stopped having nice thoughts, I feel more like a broken toy that I've ever felt before. During the last month I've been in the darkest blue I've ever seen, darkest that the ocean in the south of Chile, darker than black itself. I feel like there has never been room for mistakes in my life, a burden carried ever since I can remember. I let my walls come down in order to let someone amazing in, only to realize that love is just not enough when we are surrounded by fears and nightmares. I keep asking myself why do they call it a heartache if it's your whole body aching at the same time. He's with me at times, but I'm only a little part of who he really is. I wish I could change things, change the world for him. I wish to show him the world I could dream of in my happiest moments, I wish I could simply hold his hand as we walk in a rainy day. If it were possible I'd rip my own heart out to give him as a sign of my love.

He somehow finds a way to make me feel weak and protected at the same time, he's out of this world. The days go by and I try to find a way to be with him as much as possible, as if he were air and I were drowing in a dark world. The more I love him, the more I hurt because I know I cannot be with him forever and one day I shall let him go. "Let him go", wow, that thought really hurts, it hurts so much that I understand what they meant when I heard someone said "death is not the worst thing that could happen to someone". People say you must choose life over death, people say you've got to keep fighting, but fighting for what? 

I was dead before I met him, I was simply a dead man walking through the cold iron sea I was born in. I simply followed the instructions of what I was told, even when I thought I was breaking free I was doing so according to what I was told. And the, one day he came along, he made me see things in new colors, I felt I never did before and I started breathing air instead of emptiness. I might have been born 23 years ago, but I started living the summer of 2012 when I met my fate. So, what am I supposed to do when I let him go? 

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