From A Wanderluster To The Other Lost Souls

I know how goddamn stupid I must sound right now, but I cannot stop thinking about how much I've missed out in life and how everything is so not turning out to be how I thought it'd be when I grew up. I never had so many things when I was a child and when I was old enough to see that it could change if I wanted it to, I did picture myself building a family from scratch to spend every single day of my life in companion.  Sadly, I found someone who loves me, but can't spend halloween, new year's eve, christmas nor any other frikking holiday with me. Ok, I spend my happiest birthday with him, it was the happiest 'cause of him, but I wonder if maybe I'm just not meant to be that guy who at the end ends up with the happy family trick or treating in his neighborhood or simply kissing his beloved under the mistletoe. Maybe, it's just not meant to be in this life and I'll have to wait for the next one. I'm literally dying, hoping that it happens one day...

You know when you're little you hope you'll have one day what's constantly shown in the movies? And then we grow up telling ourselves that's never going to happen in real life? Or how you grow up wishing you'll have a perfect birthday like you somehow you believe you deserve? Well, OK, that last one is probably only me for growing up with Jehova's witness parents that would never let have a real childhood. Anyhow... it happened. My perfect moment, my perfect holy crap this is romantic moment. Paulo decided to take me to the beach for my birthday as I had asked like a million times. It's not that it's a big deal as Santiago is like an hour drive to the ocean, but it still means the world to me because it was a nice break from this freakingly insane city. Actually I knew I was out of the city only through the smell of the pines and ocean, it was all I needed. We arrived to the coastline shortly after the sunset and I led him through the rocks to make ...

After his death, the angel of death took his hand to help him leave plane and help him move on, whatever it meant. When they had arrived to the ghost plane, the angel told Paulo: "now, you go alone, there are some things you gotta learn and see your life in perspective to give you closure and help you continue with your afterlife journey". The peaceful man kept walking, surprisingly he wasn't scared, he was simply wondering what was next.  After he passed through a shinning portal, he met someone who looked awfully familiar, but Paulo couldn't place his face. The man with a kind face introduced himself: "I'm the angel of love, or as many know me I'm one of the cupids in this world". Paulo, thought for a moment: "Cupid? Well, after meeting the angel of death I guess nothing should surprise me". After starring at the Angel of love for a moment, he said: "Why did you fail me? Why did I end up divorced twice with no kids and only mate...

During a lifetime, our heart is generally the shelter for many people, being the most important ones our lovers. We have many, many loves, and there are five kinds of them that we cannot avoid, at most we can be lucky enough to one person as the vessel for more than one of the following “categories” of love. The first love: we all have a first love, some before than others, and some more gleeful than the rest of us. Our first love is the one why we actually start believing in love, is the one we can feel our heartbeats going out of pace whenever we see that person. The first love is our real first kiss, the one we feel like teenagers for real and the one we do silly things like naming our imaginary-future children. The love that destroys us: is the one we fall in love with and we get ourselves broken by. Is the one that makes us feel like zombies and makes us bitter as lime. We drink to this love, and we drink away, then we spiral out of control a little bit more a...

Lately I've decided to keep my mouth shut. If I've learned anything during the last 23 years is that when you don't have something nice to say, it's better to shut it. To be fear is not that I'm mad at someone or I want to curse at the wind every five minutes, I simply stopped having nice thoughts, I feel more like a broken toy that I've ever felt before. During the last month I've been in the darkest blue I've ever seen, darkest that the ocean in the south of Chile, darker than black itself. I feel like there has never been room for mistakes in my life, a burden carried ever since I can remember. I let my walls come down in order to let someone amazing in, only to realize that love is just not enough when we are surrounded by fears and nightmares. I keep asking myself why do they call it a heartache if it's your whole body aching at the same time. He's with me at times, but I'm only a little part of who he really is. I wish I could change t...

We had agree to go out for dinner after I insisted I wanted to do so. As usual, we walked down the Lastarria street looking for something that would catch our eyes, but nothing really seemed to be of our taste. We were walking back down the street and this girl told us to come into this indie sketchy cinema as they were showing the last function of some film. You seemed interested and you wanted to come in. Even though I was really hungry and wanted to satisfy my hunger, I didn't argue and went along with it. We walked in and the film was halfway through, it didn't matter to you and it sure didn't mind to me. The film was one of those weird stories without a clear plot, you seemed interested so I pretended I was interested in it too. As you watched the movie I glanced at your hand laying on your knee. I desperately wanted to grab your hand, lock our fingers and lay my head on your shoulder, but I knew very well that would upset you. So I kept my head up and tried to focus ...

It is a fact that the human body's fastest self-healing organ is the liver, humans all over the planet live with one kidney or just one lung, and it is possible to live with only one side of your brain, but there is however one organ that cannot be replaced and rarely heals itself: the heart. Heart is what we call the organ bumping blood through our veins and it is at the same time how we call that imaginary space where all our emotions are centered. Either of them can heal itself as fast as a liver or keep us living with one half, we only have one shot with our hearts. When a heart finds love, it starts glowing, it beats faster and stronger and it able to survive the coldest winters, until it's broken.  When it truly breaks, your whole body starts shutting down, seconds feel colder, even breathing gets harder. There are times when the pain becomes unbearable and what you once thought unthinkable becomes a solution. I used to think of suicide as the easy way out, now I thi...

Lately, things have gotten me thinking about my dysfunctional family. It all started when last Saturday I met for the first time my 1.5 year nephew. No, it's not because I'm the worst uncle ever. It's simply because my family goes beyond dysfunctionality. Let me give the short version of how we became so dysfunctional. It all started with my father and his outta control libido. He got pregnat a country girl on vacations while he had a girlfriend in the city, after knocking her up, he came back running away from the imminent baby and refused to marry his baby's mother. Then, he married his girlfriend, I'm not completely sure if he also knocked her up after or before marrying her, but the point is that he became father of his second child before he was 20. When after a while, things got bad they got a divorce and my father started dating my mom. After a while, and before marrying my mom, he knocked the country woman again and, wait for it, his apology pretty much w...

You opened your hands and I layed my hopes on them, I opened my heart and let myself think it was fate, close your eyes and let your soul say those words, 'cause we fell in love and life is really short. I followed a rushing rabbit into this wonderland, I didn't see I was just boy and you were a man. There were signs everywhere telling me to stop, I might regret it now, 'cause in love I've dropped. There had always been dreams and expectations and a new question: is it this love or an infatuation? What if I never find love again? What if I never can love again?

It's funny how some simple things can change your mood and even the way you feel about the world. Even though I was hesitating whether or not to come to Uruguay 'cause of how I was feeling in Buenos Aires, the moment I got to Uruguay I started feeling better, and the moment I arrived to Punta del Este, I felt brand new. The smell of the Atlantic Ocean, the buildings so colorful, the people smiling and the grass and sand did make a difference for me. I took of the bus with a wide open smile that made my wisedom tooth hurt again, but I didn't give a fuck really. When I got to the hostal, I recovered the same feeling I had about to years ago when I moved to the United States: the feeling of adventure. Of course my shyness was non-exitant and I quickly became friend with new people from all around the globe, from Brazil to Canada, from the UK to Australia... gotta love speaking three languages right? The first night I saw people having drinks outside the hostal and I waste...

I may have just cracked.  I usually love traveling, going to new places. I'm pretty open to everything and my new motto in life is "go to new city at least once a year", but even that's not enough sometimes. Right now I've literally turned Starbucks into my own little chill shelter, I just couldn't take it no more. The heat and the humidity are really taking the best of me, it's tiring and, well, I just hate it beyond expected. Last night I managed to fall asleep before 2am, but the heat once again woke me up at 6am. Are you freaking kidding me? The worst part is: I should've listened Paulo when he warned me about it. I can't believe how much I miss talking to him on the phone, I wanna hug him and lay near him. What the hell was I thinking when I decided I wanted to come?! Ok, there are a few things interesting to see, but they're not many. The city barely has green areas, it's ust this massive iron sea with the worst subway red I'...

Well, I finally left my country, I stayed without leaving for over a year now and it was about time. I was getting tired. So I came to the nearest abroad cool city I could think of: Buenos Aires. I have to be honest, I had such big hopes for the city, but it's letting me down a little. The city is pretty plain in terms of green areas, the subway sucks and the humidity is gonna drive me crazy any moment now. It's pretty 'cause, well, it's not home so it's a good change. Everyone say this city has an amazing night life, but I promised someone I wouldn't go out and even though I'm conflicted due this promise, I'm planning on keeping it. The humidity during the day was driving me nuts and I think it didn't let me enjoy the city's skyline or at least its buildings.  I feel like I bitched way too much for only one day here and I think it's 'cause for the first time abroad, I left my heart back home. I guess I'm sorta over the moon ...