Missing Out

I know how goddamn stupid I must sound right now, but I cannot stop thinking about how much I've missed out in life and how everything is so not turning out to be how I thought it'd be when I grew up. I never had so many things when I was a child and when I was old enough to see that it could change if I wanted it to, I did picture myself building a family from scratch to spend every single day of my life in companion. 

Sadly, I found someone who loves me, but can't spend halloween, new year's eve, christmas nor any other frikking holiday with me. Ok, I spend my happiest birthday with him, it was the happiest 'cause of him, but I wonder if maybe I'm just not meant to be that guy who at the end ends up with the happy family trick or treating in his neighborhood or simply kissing his beloved under the mistletoe. Maybe, it's just not meant to be in this life and I'll have to wait for the next one. I'm literally dying, hoping that it happens one day, but me winning the loterry seems far more likely right now. Or I might just have had far too high expectations for my adulthood. 

It's funny how I once again end up home as everyone else is having a blast, with me writing instead or reading as the great difference. I love this guy so much and it hurts how destiny just mocks me by making it impossible to have him with me in the most important dates of the year, with the exception of my birthday, perhaps only because nothing else happens that day. Where in the good Lord's name can I find a crystal ball to see my future and convince myself I'm not making a fool of myself?

Why the heell do I keep missing out on things in my life that I want to live, enjoy the crap outta them?! And trust me, this is not a frikking rethorical question.

Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas populares de este blog

A prior birthday epiphany

I'm actually less than an hour I'm turning 23 and it's been quite a journey. in less than a year I went from heaven to hell back and forth so many times I lost count. I went from being surrounded b pole I loved in a way I never expected to being a stranger in my own hometown. To losing myself and learning about the kid I used I see in the mirror, to being happy to let the sadness tear me up from the inside.  Yes, I grew up, I was surprised, I allowed myself to be dissapointed by people for one last time, I let the wall keeping me away from falling for a guy down. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I say fight back. There are lessons I must never forget, and I mean it when I say never. The first comes to friends. Friends are magical beings that appear in your life and are loyal to you no matter what. They'd take the bullet for you. They'd swallow their sadness to cheer you up. Friends are beyond time and space, beyond destiny and destinations...
Leer más

First time

There are many first times. We crave them. Our first time outside the coutry, first time on our own, first time doing something crazy, or simply "the" first time. However, there are first times we don't know they are first times 'till it's too late. For example, our first time truly in love. When we're teenagers we have crushes, we think they are our first loves till we realize they're not. As we grow older we have our first kiss and, well, hopefully later, our first time. What we seem to forget is that we rarely share all those first times with the same person, that only happens in movies. Our first love comes later, when we know ourselves, when we less expect it. Our first love comes when you less expect it, that moment when you're off guard, when you might not want to be in love, when love is too silly to believe in.  As we grow older we meet new and more interesting people and there's someone, someone with whom you share a certain connecti...
Leer más

To The Object Of My Affection

I, from another land, met you in the summer, and you from another time, made your way as my lover,  I was reckless and didn't see the moon,  shining brighter, gravitating around you, and though I, I never was one for strings attached. l let you in, to be part of my life. Later the fall came, turning leaves in red, and so promises were made, nice things were said. It showed me that usual as you there are few, Cause you know no season, they avoid you, And though I, I never was one for sharing, Let me say, when you sleep, I lay staring. Finally an early winter came and it's far gone, I had no idea what was it like not spend it alone, I get it now, we're just outlaws of love, running away from anyone with a soul. And though I never was one for happiness, I summon thee and farewell loneliness.
Leer más