From A Wanderluster To The Other Lost Souls

As usual with the end of a year, complications of thoughts come. This was... well, quite a year. I started it in the United States and Finished it at the other side of the world. I started it all pumped up and I ended it tired as fuck. I went from heaven to hell and then purgatory and managed to come back to more or less what my life was. I went from learning lessons on who your true friends are and what love really is to being an English professor and to realize that when you're truly in love you're willing to do unspeakable things. I went from being surrounded by friends 24/7 to reading my eyes off not to let the feeling of loneliness kick in. This was the year part of me died, that part all shinny and smiley to give birth to a darker me willing to do anything to be happy.  Even though 2012 was a tough year, I'm not gonna say it was a crappy year. It had its ups and downs, worse than a rollercoaster. I met the most amazing person, Paulo. Well, a part of me knows that...

Throught the years ever since I came out of the closet to myself. From the moment when I looked in the mirror and said "Nico, you like guys, get over it!", I've wonder over and over again: "why was it so hard?". Being gay is confusing, you're a minority, that's a fact. Most of the people feel attracted to the opposite sex and not the same sex. Most of your classmates feel free to run in the lockers naked as you feel really awkward trying not to look what your body tells you to look and you command your body not to do things you can't control. You feel out of place because everyone start asking you when are you getting a girlfriend. Television says it, music says it, everyone says it. And then they start calling you names, as if being different from everyone else wasn't hard enough. Ok, the title says "latin america" and I guess this pretty much describes what most of gay people feel anywhere. Latin America is basically a bunch of...

Being in love is one of those things that doesn't matter how many languages you speak, you can never explain in words. Love is something that makes you weaker, it makes all the walls come down, it makes you feel naked. Love sometimes feels like being in a bed with no clothes on as the time has gone frozen. At the same time love makes you shine brighter, stronger, as if nothing could ever stop. Love makes you feel like death is the ultimate battle and even that you can overcome. Love makes you feel flawed and flawless at the same time. It makes you feel like you could do anything, and at the same time like you couldn't do anything by yourself. Love also makes you wonder; why did I fall for this person?  Today I read an interesting answer: we accept the love we think we deserve. Do we? It's funny how lately I've changed, and at the same time haven't changed at all. I have changed because I'm more conscious of things, I make decisions, I take chances, I stop c...

I survived. That pretty much describes my current state of mind. I SURVIVED!! Last month was a real chaos, between being in love, finals, work, projects and thesis I thought I wouldn't make it through. However, I did. I guess you never know what you're capable of 'til you're pushed to the limit, and god knows I was pushed to the limit.Ok, Naty deserves her share of credit for working so hard on our thesis, but damn I was busy! I don't think I've slept over 8 hours in a row since... the end of october? But who's keeping count. And even though I was damn tired and busy, it kinda gave me the feeling of finally being in the right track. It made me get over tons of shit and it helped me figure out some stuff. I still can't believe I survived and sorta did it all right. Not my best, but whateva! I still have some stuff going on, but I don't feel the weight of the world on my shoulders any more. And you know what.... I lost some extra weight I had! Per...

There are many first times. We crave them. Our first time outside the coutry, first time on our own, first time doing something crazy, or simply "the" first time. However, there are first times we don't know they are first times 'till it's too late. For example, our first time truly in love. When we're teenagers we have crushes, we think they are our first loves till we realize they're not. As we grow older we have our first kiss and, well, hopefully later, our first time. What we seem to forget is that we rarely share all those first times with the same person, that only happens in movies. Our first love comes later, when we know ourselves, when we less expect it. Our first love comes when you less expect it, that moment when you're off guard, when you might not want to be in love, when love is too silly to believe in.  As we grow older we meet new and more interesting people and there's someone, someone with whom you share a certain connecti...

When you're single the world is much simpler. You tend to look at things in less colors. You go out regardless the possible consequences of your actions, you judge other based on your freedom. You are whoever you feel like being. Nothing really matters. When you fall in love, the world becomes a pretty damn complicated mess. It's like you don't only worry for your happiness, you look after someone else's too. You stop judging others and their relationships, mainly because you don't want to be judged. You think of the consequences like you never did before. You find a much more safe way to go to cloud nine, which at the same time the most dangerous, 'cause to know when you fall, it's gonna hurt like a bitch. Relationship are like one of those Chinese riddles; they'll make you think, but none has a real answer. Riddles like "is it time to say the L word?", "what it he's lying?", "what's extacly cheating?". Let alo...

I lived a year filled with goodbyes. Last year, I met amazing people, those kind of friends that leave nothing but the best memories in your heart and I kissed/hugged them goodbye so many times that it was pointless at some point. We were are somehow connected to each other in ways hard to understand, mainly because you're divided by the feeling that we're never gonna see each other again and yet, we will. Strange, eh? It was so weird to say goodbye to those people that at some point I was like "oh please, give me a break, if we meet again we shouldn't be sad, and if we don't, this friend wasn't meant to be". When it was my turn to say goodbye I decided to do it the easy way, I didn't, we said "see you later". It felt much more natural, and to ease the pain I decided to travel a little bit, traveling is much more effective than time, that's what I think at least.  However, I find myself in a place I did not see coming. It is now my tur...

When I'm with you there are days, days I feel immune to pain, days my heart pounds like rain, days I actually feel less insane. When I'm with you there are also nights, nights when you hide your secrets with lies, nights when my heart and mind collide, nights when it seems like ours paths divide. And my only wish with this rhymes is that you see, you see for a second how I deep down feel, you see that super human I wasn't made, you see how I just might fade away

I, from another land, met you in the summer, and you from another time, made your way as my lover,  I was reckless and didn't see the moon,  shining brighter, gravitating around you, and though I, I never was one for strings attached. l let you in, to be part of my life. Later the fall came, turning leaves in red, and so promises were made, nice things were said. It showed me that usual as you there are few, Cause you know no season, they avoid you, And though I, I never was one for sharing, Let me say, when you sleep, I lay staring. Finally an early winter came and it's far gone, I had no idea what was it like not spend it alone, I get it now, we're just outlaws of love, running away from anyone with a soul. And though I never was one for happiness, I summon thee and farewell loneliness.

I'm actually less than an hour I'm turning 23 and it's been quite a journey. in less than a year I went from heaven to hell back and forth so many times I lost count. I went from being surrounded b pole I loved in a way I never expected to being a stranger in my own hometown. To losing myself and learning about the kid I used I see in the mirror, to being happy to let the sadness tear me up from the inside.  Yes, I grew up, I was surprised, I allowed myself to be dissapointed by people for one last time, I let the wall keeping me away from falling for a guy down. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I say fight back. There are lessons I must never forget, and I mean it when I say never. The first comes to friends. Friends are magical beings that appear in your life and are loyal to you no matter what. They'd take the bullet for you. They'd swallow their sadness to cheer you up. Friends are beyond time and space, beyond destiny and destinations...

Lately, a question quite hard to figure out has been chasing me down. what's harder to do, to fall in or to fall out of love? And what does it tell us about us? It is kinda tricky, most of the people would say a the easiest thing to do is to fall in love, but how do we know we are falling in love If afterwards it's way too easy to fall out of it?  In one hand we have one problem: If we fall in love to easily, it mint mean that love has lost whatever makes it special, it stops being an unexplained phenomenon and becomes a verb. There's a point when we even think we love the waiter a few feet away because he's got some unique yummy butt and we can't separate the feeling from what we have with the guy we're sleeping with or we want to spend the rest of our lives wih. At the same time, if It's way too hard for us to fall in love, doesn't it make us rock-hard hearted? We find way to deny our feelings and miss one in a lifetime oprtunities. Maybe I'...

We convince ourselves that what we have is just physical . A dance of two naked bodies where our pasts never happened and there might not be a tomorrow. And then we talked, we hear things that make us blush and we start to wonder. We play cool as log as possible, we deny our feelings no matter what. We wonder if are those butterflies in our stomach or just the burrito we had for inch kicking in. When it's too late, you find yourself checking for phone for missed calls knowing that calling him might tagged you as pushy and it might be the end of whatever you two have.   For those who've been in this situation, is not uncommon to find themselves with a hint of a smile upon their faces. 'The sex was so good!' the say, as they bite their tongues at the impulse of saying something more, the know feeling anything else was forbidden. And either we like it or not, we were never sure if we loved the game or the player. Yeah, I'm gonna star using the 'we' instead...

        Not long ago, a girl told a gay friend that, even though she was ok with him being gay, she didn't think it was all natural because God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Well, my first instinct was to yell Bullshit... but it got me thinking... How many people out there are so blinded by the teachings of a 4000 year book that they won't actually think of gay people as, well, people? The Bible apparently went from a book of hopes to the reason for so much hate in the world.  People seem to forget that there's an actual world out there. The bible is nothing but a book which is good at accumulating dust and making joints. I'm not saying that the whole concept of God is wrong, it works for some people and actually makes them a better person. However, there's a whole troop of finger pointers that use it as an excuse for hate and rejection. Let's just take a moment of silence to think of all the harm that it has caused during human history. ...

Sex and dating. When we think of those two words, inevitablely we think of a bunch of rules of what we are supposed to do and what we are not. Somehow, we are taugh by society that those two activities are not meant to be involved. We have plenty of sayings telling us not to have sex in the first 3, 5 or 10 dates. They say the other person won't buy the cow if he gets the milk for free. However, what if the milk is outta this world? Does sex in the first date magically makes you a whore and dooms that possible relationship for good. Is it because in the first date you're supposed to get that mind-blowing kiss under the rain or in the front of the door? Or is it because is it possible that the other person isn't mature enough to shut out the remarks made by his friends? Are we really that insecure to care about that other people say or what other people think is the right thing to do?  What if sex in the first date is the only possible result for an incredible hu...

           Dating  is a complicated dance as it is. One wrong move and you and your date are out of sync, which can ruin the whole date.  Then you have to take things to an entirely new level when it comes to dating across country lines. At the moment I am studying in the US which is like an entirely different planet!            One thing to remember is that countries have widely varied dating etiquette. In Scotland things are a lot more relaxed that America. You can go on a date and see how things go; in the US it’s more like an unwritten invitation to start a relationship.             1. It’s important to know what both parties expect from the date. Now I’m not talking marriage and kids, I’m more saying is it casual or are there more feelings involved. Starting on the same page can make all the difference. For example I was asked out for a drink by a guy in my clas...

A couple of weeks ago a 19-years-old girl asked me one of those things that puzzle you:  Is it a good idea to have a fuckbuddy?  My first impulse was to say  Yes! Often sex and no relationship's duties? Duh!  However, just when I was opening my mouth to give her my answer I realized something; is it not that simple. In less than a year there were launched two movies related to the idea of having fuckbuddies, and if they were right about something is that in the end one of the counterparts always ends up mixing feelings. What those movies don't tell you is that in most of the cases, the other counterpart does not. There is a huge chance that one of the people involved in those friendships with benefits simply keep their heart and sexual impulses absolutely separeted. There are other times when both of them have feelings for the other, but because of the stupid  "rule" of keeping it casual, they never tell their feelings and the friendship ends up anyways.  ...

     Lately,  I've  b een thinking of the whole start dating again situation, specially  b ecause I haven't made it to the second date in... what? 6 months? And somehow I feel like i'm not alone. Datig is a  b itch! First dates are a puzzle with so many missig pieces that  b y the time you've figured out what went wrong you've invested too many emotions in a lost cause. How the hell are you supposed to know if the date should end with a kiss or if it's just one of those if-was-nice-to-meet-you kinda go outs? And don't get me started in those awkward moments when you honestly have no idea if it is a date or not. Please, people, that I'm-just-lookig-for-friends shit just makes it worse!       After, well, let's say 4 years of dating people of all kinds, I've figured out some things that work  b oth ways. First, if one of the "daters" checks their phoe more than two times or there are more than 3 awkward pauses, it's a disaster a...