A dream within a dream

As usual with the end of a year, complications of thoughts come. This was... well, quite a year. I started it in the United States and Finished it at the other side of the world. I started it all pumped up and I ended it tired as fuck. I went from heaven to hell and then purgatory and managed to come back to more or less what my life was. I went from learning lessons on who your true friends are and what love really is to being an English professor and to realize that when you're truly in love you're willing to do unspeakable things. I went from being surrounded by friends 24/7 to reading my eyes off not to let the feeling of loneliness kick in. This was the year part of me died, that part all shinny and smiley to give birth to a darker me willing to do anything to be happy. 

Even though 2012 was a tough year, I'm not gonna say it was a crappy year. It had its ups and downs, worse than a rollercoaster. I met the most amazing person, Paulo. Well, a part of me knows that in a couple of years I'll read this most likely with sadness, but I don't care. He's the first person in the world to make me feel... wanted. It's an amazing feeling. He's the only one with the power to fix me up with a smile and break me down with his silence. I don't think no one has ever made me feel so strong and weak at the same time. I just look at him and all my worries are gone. When he kisses me I wish I could freeze time and just die. I can't remember the last day I spent without thinking of him or how to be with him. Is he a mistake? Probably... well, then his my favorite mistake yet. 

This year I felt my heart breaking, like literally. I just felt like something hurting my heart whenever I felt lonely, out of family, out of friends. Most of this year felt like a dream, a dream within a dream perhaps because whenever I'd skype any of my EC friends I'd feel like that was real, the rest was sh*t. What's next year bringing me? Not a clue, perhaps by finishing school I'll have the closure I need to move on. However, I promise myself not to spend too much time thinking about 'cause life is damn short and I'm gonna live every day as the last one.

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