An ambilavent relationship with love

The thing about love is that it's something we work so hard on it that we can't help but wonder when does really the effort on it overweights the reward. Love is a feeling is sometimes it makes us run to it and other times it makes us run from it. How do we know when it's love? How do we know when it's something else? How can we name that something else? Well, yes, in the human language we find a way to create bonds between words and objects, except when it comes to feelings. How can we describe love?!

Sometimes I think love s that onstant need to be with the other person, that feeling of happiness and joy we get when we're with them, the unconditional desire to make them happy. However, what happens when those feelings get all mixed up and we want to do things for ourselves? What happens when we  look at ourselves in the mirror and we realize that our hearts have overriden our minds and we might be doing something that was not in our plans or it's just not "good" for us? For a few seconds we want out, we want our freedom from the slavery our hearts have us under, and then we nag ourselves, we say that love is the bigger picture and we cannot do without them. So what do we do?!

The heart wants what it wants, yeah, but what about me? Can we really rate our happiness in order to make decisions when it comes to choose love or something else? There's a whole generation out there that choose their careers over love and they seem utterly happy, right? Or is there something they're not telling us? 

Can I tell you a secret? I chose love over myself, and there a moments when it doesn't matter, when it was all worth it, moments when you can see the happiness of my heart through my eyes, but what about the rest of my life? I figured that one out some time ago. The problem with having one life (at least that we know of) is that there will always be a moment when you have to choose, and no matter what your choice is, you will always wonder "what if"... The best way to keep on going is to stop wondering and learn to live with your choice. I know it's a pretty lame answer, but what else ya gonna do?


Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas populares de este blog

A prior birthday epiphany

I'm actually less than an hour I'm turning 23 and it's been quite a journey. in less than a year I went from heaven to hell back and forth so many times I lost count. I went from being surrounded b pole I loved in a way I never expected to being a stranger in my own hometown. To losing myself and learning about the kid I used I see in the mirror, to being happy to let the sadness tear me up from the inside.  Yes, I grew up, I was surprised, I allowed myself to be dissapointed by people for one last time, I let the wall keeping me away from falling for a guy down. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I say fight back. There are lessons I must never forget, and I mean it when I say never. The first comes to friends. Friends are magical beings that appear in your life and are loyal to you no matter what. They'd take the bullet for you. They'd swallow their sadness to cheer you up. Friends are beyond time and space, beyond destiny and destinations...
Leer más

First time

There are many first times. We crave them. Our first time outside the coutry, first time on our own, first time doing something crazy, or simply "the" first time. However, there are first times we don't know they are first times 'till it's too late. For example, our first time truly in love. When we're teenagers we have crushes, we think they are our first loves till we realize they're not. As we grow older we have our first kiss and, well, hopefully later, our first time. What we seem to forget is that we rarely share all those first times with the same person, that only happens in movies. Our first love comes later, when we know ourselves, when we less expect it. Our first love comes when you less expect it, that moment when you're off guard, when you might not want to be in love, when love is too silly to believe in.  As we grow older we meet new and more interesting people and there's someone, someone with whom you share a certain connecti...
Leer más

To The Object Of My Affection

I, from another land, met you in the summer, and you from another time, made your way as my lover,  I was reckless and didn't see the moon,  shining brighter, gravitating around you, and though I, I never was one for strings attached. l let you in, to be part of my life. Later the fall came, turning leaves in red, and so promises were made, nice things were said. It showed me that usual as you there are few, Cause you know no season, they avoid you, And though I, I never was one for sharing, Let me say, when you sleep, I lay staring. Finally an early winter came and it's far gone, I had no idea what was it like not spend it alone, I get it now, we're just outlaws of love, running away from anyone with a soul. And though I never was one for happiness, I summon thee and farewell loneliness.
Leer más