Two years later

... and the question " I wonder what it feels like to have a normal relationship?" still bugs me. Having a relationship w someone denying to tell the world how he feels like for me it's one of the most complicated things I've ever gone through, and I haven't spoken to my father in over a year and left home with nothing but a suitcase and no goodbyes to mention some of my weirdest moments... the last year. However, things have changed, love and desilusion changed me, along with having the world yelling at me to stop being so naive. 

Have you ever noticed that if you burn your skin, over and over again, there's a point where your nerves get worn out and finally you stop feeling the fire so badly? I applies to the heart for both good and bad feelings. That's why we take for granted the people we love and at the same time we end up taking shit from the world basically out of habit. Nonetheless, we have a choice. We can choose what to stop feeling and start enjoying other things, like life for example. The same thing is happening to me regarding my in-the-closet relationship, I stopped caring so much about the things I'm missing out, I started giving a shit about a lot of things and enjoying others I haven't done so in such a long time. And it's kinda working. Deep down I know this is going nowhere, but who cares?! I fucking love this guy, and he loves me, even if he can only get himself to say it only when he lets his guard down.

OK, things are getting tougher for him than for me. His mother's got stage IV cancer and I have no idea what to do to help him except but to make him think of something else when we're together. I've grown and so has he. Sometimes it feels like we let each other go a bit, we let each other have their own space and yet we're together. It's awesome. I'm learning new things regarding relationships, we're passed that "love is not enough" lesson and into the "if I die tonight at least I can say I did what I wanted to do". Oh god, we even had a couple of days away together last summer and it was very close to what I had always dreamed of... except for the part where we weren't alone in the apartment in the beach so we couldn't have sex everywhere, everytime. But we were together, and that's what I wanted.

Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas populares de este blog

A prior birthday epiphany

I'm actually less than an hour I'm turning 23 and it's been quite a journey. in less than a year I went from heaven to hell back and forth so many times I lost count. I went from being surrounded b pole I loved in a way I never expected to being a stranger in my own hometown. To losing myself and learning about the kid I used I see in the mirror, to being happy to let the sadness tear me up from the inside.  Yes, I grew up, I was surprised, I allowed myself to be dissapointed by people for one last time, I let the wall keeping me away from falling for a guy down. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I say fight back. There are lessons I must never forget, and I mean it when I say never. The first comes to friends. Friends are magical beings that appear in your life and are loyal to you no matter what. They'd take the bullet for you. They'd swallow their sadness to cheer you up. Friends are beyond time and space, beyond destiny and destinations...
Leer más

First time

There are many first times. We crave them. Our first time outside the coutry, first time on our own, first time doing something crazy, or simply "the" first time. However, there are first times we don't know they are first times 'till it's too late. For example, our first time truly in love. When we're teenagers we have crushes, we think they are our first loves till we realize they're not. As we grow older we have our first kiss and, well, hopefully later, our first time. What we seem to forget is that we rarely share all those first times with the same person, that only happens in movies. Our first love comes later, when we know ourselves, when we less expect it. Our first love comes when you less expect it, that moment when you're off guard, when you might not want to be in love, when love is too silly to believe in.  As we grow older we meet new and more interesting people and there's someone, someone with whom you share a certain connecti...
Leer más

To The Object Of My Affection

I, from another land, met you in the summer, and you from another time, made your way as my lover,  I was reckless and didn't see the moon,  shining brighter, gravitating around you, and though I, I never was one for strings attached. l let you in, to be part of my life. Later the fall came, turning leaves in red, and so promises were made, nice things were said. It showed me that usual as you there are few, Cause you know no season, they avoid you, And though I, I never was one for sharing, Let me say, when you sleep, I lay staring. Finally an early winter came and it's far gone, I had no idea what was it like not spend it alone, I get it now, we're just outlaws of love, running away from anyone with a soul. And though I never was one for happiness, I summon thee and farewell loneliness.
Leer más